Hiking, Travelling and Dreaming

This was intended to be my thoughts on travelling, but I'll have to tame my wanderlust for a while longer....

Monday, October 16, 2006

Carrying my brothers' baggage

One of them works honestly but is addicted to the worst. The other works dishinestly but at least is not addicted. I feel the weight of their problems on my shoulders, especially Cokehead's.

I, like my father, feel sick when I imagine him snorting his lines off of the table, after his show. Dad said I should have slapped his face, but in a loft of 15 people, I was the only one that stood out. Sure, they didn't all do it. But that's maybe 'cause they had no money to.

He looked at me pathetically, claiming he didn't want his sister to judge him or see him do this.

I can't erase the vivid images of all of them, especially him, with his lines laid out on the table.

It's not about judging. And when someone wants to change a behaviour, they go through stages before they can change. He isn't ready now, but maybe will be someday.

I can't carry this around with me. I have a career and life ahead of helping others. But change is a 2 way relationship between the client and the therapist. The therapist (slp) can only do so much.

Therefore, this being said, I'm writing Cokehead off. I'm disowning him, explicitly. And one day when he's ready to grow up, he can be my brother again.

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